Christaholley's Blog

If You Only Knew

The Rant April 29, 2010

Filed under: life,Random Box,things that stress,Uncategorized — christaholley @ 12:04 pm
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My life has been so busy, I feel so wiped out physically and emotionally. I’m drained but I push one =)

It seems as soon as I finish one test there is another right around the corner. I’m so sick of test and quizzes I could. . . I don’t now what I could do. Something very mean and rude. But I finally caught a break and I decided to catch up. Right now I’m sitting on the couch watching the Tudors (I’m very pissed off with the history by the way.), it is getting good though. Very messy.=) and it’s all in history.

 I don’t understand the people back then. I don’t understand the times I guess. How can you say that God gave you the right to rule? How can you say that you were divinely chosen? How can you make all the mistakes of a human yet decide who lives and who dies? how can the people accept that. True the land could fall into chaos but is really better to let a man put a face on your country and shame it. True as it is most in the time of Henry VIII were ignorant of what went on, they could have just gotten news the second queen had been put to death while he was truly to his fourth wife. How can he claim to be divinely chosen and try to put forth this image of perfection and power for his people and other countries to fear him but yet he is so horribly human. Even if it is behind closed doors, shouldn’t he care the people he hurt. The women, I mean how can you be so blind to causing pain when you can see it. In other words, how can you be so heartless. I know I’m ranting on in an incoherent mess but I can’t help it.

Every time I watch the show I’m fascinated at how power can corrupt something that was once upon a time for the greater good. (I thought it was for the greater good). The need for power and wealth, the need for everyone to know that you are the one in control, how much more human can you be. How could these people believe that a man who showed vanity as much as or even more so than the average man was meant to rule them? It makes no sense though I suppose it is no different for us in our time. There is still greed and corruption. There is still vanity and everything that says that we are human only now most of know that it isn’t by divine right that these people are in power it is be because they are chosen by the people (not always the citizens) or and a few other reasons but also it is because they have everything they need to stay right where they want to be. No one is going to challenge a system because they won’t last very long. No one is going to challenge it because they know that they are very much out resourced.

I always wondered if God is weeping as he watches us now. Does he weep at seeing his children live the way we do, does he cry because we are so blind, so vain, so. . . I don’t even have a name to put with everything going on today. Does he cry because he knows just how horrible we are, I guess. Humans can be wicked, we can be vile and devious, we can manipulate and betray. Those are all things that make us human, we are far from perfect and that is one thing that I believe will never change.

I know I just went on a ranting spree, but I’m not sorry. I’m just tired and I really needed to let something out. *sigh

good night.

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Revenge April 14, 2010

Filed under: friends,life,Random Box — christaholley @ 11:41 am
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I figured it out, I executed my punishment and showed no mercy when I did it. It was swift and a little mean. But it was so funny I nearly peed on myself. 

The day before yesterday when Jason and I made the bet, I didn’t know what I would make him do. It came to me and at first I thought it was too cruel but events yesterday led me to it and I will never regret my decision. 

Jason is such a sore loser. First he took the last slice of pizza, I only had two and he had the rest of the box to divide between him and his roommate Adam. He saw me grab that last cheesy slice and snatched, shoving it into his mouth in my face. I could have slapped him but I didn’t. I was going to remain cool about it until I discovered he’d been eating my ice cream (no one touches my ice cream.) He had two strikes against him. His third strike was when he tickled me. I didn’t even know he knew that I was ticklish! 

He tickled and tickled, it was the worst form of torture. He made me laugh when I wanted to cry because it hurt so bad. I rolled on the floor and he followed, his fingers digging into my ribs and the back of my knee. For the life of me I will never know how he found this secret of mine out. I’ve told him a lot of things but not this one. 

He drove me to madness and dammit I was going to have revenge. It would be swift and brutal and I was going to have it as soon as possible. I found something that fit what I wanted in pain but it looked innocent enough to where he wouldn’t know what was going on till it was too late. 

One of my best friends owns a nail salon, I made him take me there just a couple of hours ago. Adam came too. We all got our nails manicured and feet done at a discount. I told Adam about what I was going to do and he was all in though he did say he would never look at me the same way again. (I don’t know if that is a good thing or a bad thing.) 

Somehow I brought up the subject of bikini waxing and it just shot to hell from there. *Smile. 

“If you do this, you will no longer be at my mercy and the bet ends here.” I said innocently. 

The fool actually considers it. “All I have to do it get a wax?” 

“Bikini wax” I corrected him, me and Adam look at each other. 

“Then it’s over.” 

Holding up a hand. “Promise.” 

He stands up all bright and happy. “Lets do it!” 

They take him in the back a second before Adam and I bust out laughing. 

They strip him from the waist down. He lay there all nice and quiet, like a good boy. I don’t think he realized until he saw the wax being poured on, that this was going to hurt. didn’t matter by the I had him and it was too late. 

I couldn’t stop my grinning as she placed the paper down on him and padded it down and let it sit. 1 2 3 

all you heard was this ripping sound as she ripped it up and by the way he screamed, you would swear she tore a chunk of his leg off with it. 

I whistled. “man your one hairy-” 

“Shut up Chrissy.” Adam said, I would have taken him seriously if he wasn’t seconds from falling to the floor. I’ve never seen a face get so. . .red. 

The woman came forward and put the wax down again, I swear Jason went several shade lighter when she got close to his “partner” 

The look on his face when she got ready to pull the cloth up was a memory I will smile about on my death-bed. It was one of pure excruciating pain and horror. She yanked and he cursed the whole salon to hell at the top of his lungs. I think the people shopping across the freeway heard him. 

“Can I quote you on that?” I asked in a choked voice. I had been laughing so hard I could barely breathe. This was better than I could have imagined. 

“Christa, I’m going to kill you.” 

“You always say that.” I tease back. It was true and this time it would be just as empty as the other times. 

“I think he means it.” Adam was worse than I was. He was streaming tears and laughing himself hoarse. I shrugged it off. If he killed me it would be worth it, at least I got to see the look on his face when he realized she still had to do the other side. 

When we opened the door, there was a scurry of feet and flurried activity as everyone in the salon tried to pretend that they hadn’t heard Jason’s cursing and screaming like a little girl. We went to go pay the lady. 

I asked her how much for all of it and the wax, and she said the coolest thing to me. 

“Sweetie, you don’t have to pay us for the wax.” she gave Jason an amused look. “it was worth every penny.” Jason give me the money and heads for the car. I know he will never go back to that salon again. This was the best form of revenged and I will always remember it. I know the people in the salon that day will too. 

The woman who did the waxing is my friend’s aunt and I have no doubt that this story will be told many times over. My friend already called laughing her butt off about it. Jason still hasn’t talked to me. He locked me out the apartment but Adam let me in. At least he doesn’t curse when ever he looks at his nails. 

I also hopes he remembers this when he decides to be evil to me. He knows now that I can be downright devilish in my extractions of revenge. I don’t think he will ever test me again though. 

shame.

  

 

 

The Bet

Filed under: friends,life,Random Box,things that stress — christaholley @ 4:33 am
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Pure and fun silliness.

Okay, I’ll admit, I slacked on my studies yesterday but the end result was so worth it. My friend Jason has any gaming system you can think of. PSP, XBox 360, Wii, the guy has them all and just about any game you think of from guitar hero to grand theft auto, his collection his amazing.

Yesterday, I dipped my toes into the virtual world of video games, it is not something I do that often but yesterday there were stakes I couldn’t pass up.

I found myself playing his PS3 and it was amazingly awesome. Halo, not the third one cause I suck at it but the first one. I still shoot my own people and it was painful to watch but oh so fun. I think it’s because I can be a violent person when provoked. =)

Then Jason came home from class and saw what I was doing and then it went something like this:

“Sweetheart what are you doing.” he ask

Not looking at him. “Playing a game.”

“Uh huh,” he sat down next to me. “You’re killing you’re own men.”

I shrugged. “So.”

“Do you want help?”

“No.”

He gave me an odd look but didn’t say anything else until I restarted the game for the second time, then he shut it off. “That was to painful.”

“You’re an ass.”

“The player on the game think you’re an ass too.”

Tilting my head I thought about that. He was probably right, I killed them all several times over. I was probably worse than an ass to them. So I shrugged it off. “I could do better if I wanted to.”

“No you couldn’t.”

“Yes I could.” I stated into the den.

Jason blinked then smiled. “Wanna make a bet on that.”

“Sure.”

“Okay, first person to kill off the other team wins.”

“Wait!” before we began I ask what the terms of winning and losing were.

“let’s just say the loser is at the winners mercy.” his smile was predatory, I mean it when I say it was a little frightening. But then I heard my dumb self say.

“You are so on.” what was I thinking.

He starts it off and I didn’t even see him coming. He was amazing, from years of practice of course. He’s had at least three years of practice and I’ve had three weeks, you can guess how that goes.

He killed one of my men in the first. . .two minutes. He was precise in shooting what he wanted and I was shooting at everything in sight and running for cover while I was doing it. Then, I did this by accident by the way, I shot out at something in my line of vision, my controller vibrated with the force of it. The man went down and the den sat in silence, I stopped shooting because I was stunned I’d hit a player from his team and not mine and he had stopped shooting altogether.

“Why did you stop.” I asked him curiously. “You could have killed me.”

“I don’t have anymore players.” he growled out with all the indignation in the world. I could have cared less, after two years I’m use to it and can match it when I want to.

Staring at him dumbly I asked hesitantly. “SO. . . I won?” his silence was all the answer I needed.

“OH YEAH!, BOYAH!” I got up and started happy dancing around the room while he watched with a glare that could kill. I couldn’t’ blame him, he had lost to a rookie, very embarrassing. *smile*

“You cheated.” he said finally coming to his feet making me stop my circle of the room

Putting my hands on my hips I retorted. “Oh, yeah, shooting at everything that comes in sight is really cheating.” He said nothing, what could he say when he knew I was right? By some dumb stroke of luck I won. “So doest this mean you’re at my mercy now?” I ask like a foolish dumby.

Jason tilted his head to the side and gave m the most wry smile. “I suppose it does.”

He got up and I found myself face to chest with him. Looking up at his face I felt need pulling me to run but I stayed put. I would show no fear, I would not-

“So what are you going to do to me?”

Rolling my eyes was a hard task when the rest of me felt so weak. “I don’t know, I need to think about it.” With sweaty hands I pushed him back and headed into the kitchen. I headed in to the kitchen to get a big scoop of ice cream and to ponder upon my torture.

Jason is off limits, he’s my best friend in the world. He’s cute and funny and gets me. He understands that I’m silly and sarcastic. That I have my moods and will not hesitate to bit your head off if you deserve it. I get him to, but he’s . . .complicated. He’s my best friend in the world and I won’t change that for anything. It would kill me to screw something up between us, those relationships are never easy. And frankly, I don’t need that stuff in my life right now. SO a friend he will stay. . . a very cute friend who I now have grounds to torture. *evil smile*

He doesn’t know it yet but he really should have put better guidelines of what the winner could and couldn’t do. He’ll figure it out soon enough, but it will be to late to do anything about it.

 

the day April 10, 2010

Filed under: life,Random Box,things that stress,Uncategorized — christaholley @ 11:13 am
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I don’t know what is with me lately. I’m tired and really moody, no I’m not PMSing. I would admit to it if I was. It isn’t that, I’ve just been really sad lately. Somehow it feels like I’ve been pushed backwards into the days of adolescents were you feels awkward and it seems like no one can keep your name out their mouth. My head has been everywhere but where it needs to be and I’m always so tired. . .

I don’t know, I’ve adopted the attitude of if I ignore it, it’ll go away. No one is talking about me. Yes people do look but who cares, they don’t know me.  

I didn’t have a nap today and I swear that in Chemistry I was on the verge of throwing a tantrum. How am I suppose to concentrate on solutions and oxidation if I can’t keep my eyes open? But my professor is so funny and he always lets us go early. He doesn’t like to be in class any longer than he has to. . . I think that’s because he’s older than black pepper. But it’s Friday and I go home on Fridays. =)

I was so happy to get home. Home to my family and friends, it’s sad to think once I get into clinical I’ll have even less than I do now. Huh. I gotta do what I have to do though. I’m just counting down the days. Until then I am going to go to bed because I am tired and found out that I have therapy in the morning. What a life, what is the use of coming home on a Saturday if you don’t get to sleep in? I guess tomorrow I’ll find out.

Good night everyone

 

I’m Back April 5, 2010

Filed under: life,things that stress,writing — christaholley @ 9:06 pm
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I’m sorry and twice sorry. Even if no one reads this blog I feel bad for not writing in so long. I haven’t had the time or the computer to do it on. My computer is in the shop and I’m working with a loaner and as for my time. . . it’s been wrapped up in so many things it is insane.

I was accepted into clinical nursing school a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been running and scampering around to meet my deadline to get things mailed in and stuff. There was so much I needed to do. I had to get a background check, I was clear and clean. Then I had to go to the doctor and get all these shots. I swear the stuck me eight time! I hate shots. Then there was the drug screening, I was cleared for that too. Ain’t no drugs in me! LOL. There were other things that I need to do but nothing major that I can’t do later. Running around like I was with my little two week dead line made me fall behind on my school work. Now I’m scampering to read up on what I missed in class. I’m tired and exhausted and my face is trying to break out in pimples as it normally does when I’m under a lot of stress.  But it’s all going to be worth it, summer isn’t that far away if I can just keep going and keep my grades right then I’ll be set.

I’m going to try and do better about my blogging too, I’m not doing a good job on writing everyday but I promise I ‘ll get better

 

The Swing

Filed under: life,Random Box — christaholley @ 10:15 am
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Another part of my adventure at the festival was the swing.

It was a very nice day and though it wasn’t planned we went into the park where they had a tree swing.

The park looked like one from the movies where people are walking their dogs and hanging out with their friends on blankets and reading. In the distance you see children playing and adults as well. The grass was green and the trees shaded out most of the sun making it nice and comfortable. Camille and I couldn’t resist.

I haven’t been on a swing in years and with no children around to compete with me for it,  I wasn’t about to let the opportunity pass me by.  Swinging back and forth was fun and all but, I was feeling really silly. I remembered back to when I was little and my sister and I use to twirl round and round, winding up the swing until our feet could barely touch the ground and the swing cords were wrapped around each other in the tightest embrace possible before we let go.  Round and around we went looking up at the sky twirling above our heads by the end we were to dizzy to do more that sit there and wait for it to stop moving.  That’s what I did. I twirled round and around until I couldn’t anymore shrieking like a little kid the whole way and laughed for moments after it was over.  The next time I went to do it again, a voice said behind me.

“Do you want me to push you?” this was right before I was about to let it loose again.

Over my shoulder I looked. The first thing I thought was “Oh!” like an idiot.

It was a guy, a cute guy. He had to be Hispanic. With tan skin, big brown eyes and straight long nose set in a long face topped with curly black hair down to his shoulders and most important, he had deep dimples in each cheek. He was really cute, more than cute he was a heartbreaker, I knew this because he was smiling when he asked me. It was one of the sexiest things I’d ever seen in my life and it was only a smile on nice full lips. Looking at that I said the first thing that came to my mind.

“Yes, thank you.” Thank god it was something coherent.

His smile was the best piece of art I’d seen all day. “Okay, but you have to look up at the sky while I do it.”

Nodding, I tucked my feet under and looked up. His hands pushed at my back as I went around once, then caught me again on my knee. He touched me again and again in those two places branding me every time he did it. Pushing me forward and back by the end of it I was so dizzy I thought the sky was his face. It was a very pretty view though. He pushed me forward and back until I knew blue from brown only for us to do the same thing. I didn’t bother to look at the sky the next time, I didn’t want to.  I watched him as I spun around and again. I couldn’t stop screaming and he wouldn’t stop laughing. By the time the ropes fully untwisted I knew what it would be like to get drunk, even as he held the swing steady for me, the warmth of his hands seeping into my shoulders from his touch the world turned on.

“Close your eyes.” I did as he told me, not knowing what he was going to do. “It’ll help.” He gave my shoulders a squeeze before releasing them.

 Yes, I did feel wary to do as he asked me to. I didn’t completely lose my head for a handsome face. But with all my heart I wished I hadn’t listened to him. When I opened my eyes the world had stopped spinning but he was gone. Looking around I didn’t see him anywhere, no one in the part had black curly hair or tan skin except for me. No one in the space had a sizzling smile, no one in the park looked like he had. He’d disappeared without giving me a name or even a backwards glance. He was gone, off to break some other girl’s heart with that killer smile and dimples. I rocked in my swing forward and back wishing that if I closed my eyes again I could bring him back to me. Even though I knew he would only break my heart again when he walked away. He had been wrong, closing my eyes didn’t help.

 

Art?

Filed under: life,Random Box,Uncategorized — christaholley @ 10:09 am
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Yesterday which means Saturday,  my best friend Camille and I went to a book festival. It wasn’t what I expected but that didn’t mean I didn’t’ have a great time. It was at a park downtown and had different vendors selling an array of books some local bookshops and some from self published authors. Others were just trying to get rid of things they had. Ever so often a local author would come up and read thrity minutes from their book. There was also singing and food and an art gallery. 

I bought two books, signed up to volunteer for a few organization. I became a member of a few clubs and found others things I liked but knew I would never have time to get into. The art gallery was cool and weird. I like art because doesn’t have to make sense. But it’s weird because then anything can be art, my bed could be a piece of art. My shoes could too. It’s weird, who sets the standard of what art is. There is a artist, I forgot his name but most of his paintings weren’t even paintings or statues they were book covers. How is that considered art? He didn’t do it did he? I don’t know but I just thought it was crazy that someone would pay thousands of dollars for something they could go to the bookstore, pay three dollars for and frame it themselves.  But that wasn’t even the weirdest thing, what got me was in one of the rooms there was a dead and stuffed horse. He lay on his side, legs sprailed out and mouth open with a bloated stomach. Inside the stomach there was a sign that about Jesus our King.  This shocked me, it confused me too. This was art? This had meaning? What in the world I wondered did a dead and stuffed horse have to do with Jesus?

But that wasn’t his only piece, in another room there were stuffed dogs, they looked so live and friendly and between the two labs was a chicken. . . anyway one of the dogs is looking at you as you round the corner but quickly you learn that he isn’t looking at you he is staring at what is behind you. A woman is nailed to bed inside a crate, her face is hidden in her arm in shame. I think it was shame.

There was another work of his; two men lay side by side in a twin bed together staring up into the ceiling at nothing. I didn’t understand. I mean no they didn’t have to be staring at anything but they had to be looking at something, thinking about  something. There had to be a mood there that made the artist put them in that pose but I couldn’t catch it. I didn’t understand and that was so frustrating to me. I stared at that thing for a long while before moving on  just as clueless as I had been in the beginning.

The last piece I saw was just as disturbing as the first. Walking outside the building I saw a couple looking up at the roof. Naturally you wonder what are they staring at or at least I did. Up on the roof in the hot sun sat a little drummer boy staring down at us. His sleeves and pants were long his hair was brown and his skin white though it should have been red from the heat. His hands posed over his drum thought his eyes were looking down at it, they stare straight ahead over us and out into the city. It took me a second to realize this wasn’t a child but another twisted piece of art meant to startle the viewer.  Disgusted with myself for getting worked up I had to walk away and think about the drummer boy later.  I would love to meet the man who designed that piece one day but sadly I don’t think I ever will, he lives in Milan, Italy and his paintings sell for millions of dollars. I doubt he would really care what I think of his work, why should he?