Christaholley's Blog

If You Only Knew

Paradise July 19, 2010

Filed under: family,life,Random Box — christaholley @ 2:51 pm
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Aloha from Hawii,

If god created a paradise I would say he paid extra special attention to this place, it is beautiful. I mean as soon as you get off the plane your jaw will just drop. Or at least mine did, I’m a country girl but where I am from the land is flat and the weather is bipolar. Here, the mountains are breathtaking, the weather is perfect. It is all just wonderful.

I didn’t know what I was expecting, tiki huts maybe. But there aren’t any. I was expecting hotels everywhere but they seem to only be along the coast. The beaches are so crowded, get there early or don’t go at all because you will never find a good spot. There are just too many people here.

My family and I are staying in a house that we rented out for the week and a few day, it is wonderful. I mean I’m spoiled for life. No more hotels for me. We have our own beach, own dock, own pool. Two kitchens, eight bedrooms. It is surreal, literally.

The only bad thing I can think of is the jetlag, OMG!

 

The Apple Tree May 12, 2010

Filed under: family,life,Random Box,things that stress,Uncategorized — christaholley @ 2:11 am
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Last night, I slept awful. It’s finals week and I’m all in a tizzy studying for this and making a side not of this. I’m so nervous I could heave all over my scantron.

I’m tired and stressed and I got this idea to completely redo my story, nothing major just some names dates and some of the story line. eck! I know it’s crazy.

the highlight of my week was when we got my mom an apple tree. My dog, Sam took into her head that she likes apple trees, if my mom didn’t want it, she would take it.

“I said I want a peach tree.” My mom pouted about it looking at our gift.

“But they didn’t have any, didn’t you want an apricot one?” my sister asked her.

“No, apple is good.” she looked at the tree again, we all did.

Sam, my dog, decided that was the perfect time to come over. “Tree, tree!!” she bounded around it and sniffed. “my tree!”

she sat in front of it letting us know. “mine.”

she marched around and sniffed it. “Mine!” she bounced at us. “I will protect little tree.!” she looked at us. “you can go now!” she wouldn’t let us near the tree and still hasn‘t. we have to lock the crazy dog inside before we can water it and you can hear her howling inside when we go near it.

Now my funny puppy sits facing the tree, she’ll watch it and make sure no birds or squirrels get near it. When they do you would swear it is like they are trying to take one of her puppies, she goes crazy. So now the birds and squirrels have learned not to climb on the apple tree until she is asleep. =)

 

Following my heart. March 7, 2010

Filed under: family,life,writing — christaholley @ 1:21 am
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I got a piece of advice that I’m not sure I’m bold enough to follow. Someone today told me to follow my heart. I don’t know what that means anymore. I just don’t, in so many direction am I pulled. To follow my heart would mean giving up on so many things, to take a chance on to many things, I always thought I was brave but am I brave enough to take a leap of faith.

Years have been pulled here and told to sit down there. I rarely oppose anything my family wants me to do unless it’s just too much. I’ve known my path since I was four years old. I was told the university I would attend, I was allowed to pick my major until I actually got my let of acceptance. Everything changed after that, I love the field and I’m sure I’ll do well but I just wish I had a choice. People say that they choices, I use to think I did but after my Dad passed away I think all those options flew out the window. My mom is a wonderful woman strict but I couldn’t speak a bad word toward her, ever. She never complains and does what she has to with her head held high and I know that is the kind of person I want to be. She didn’t fall to pieces when the love, her only love died, she carried on even though she looked so fragile while she did it. She never cracked or broke, she was strong, I know there will be a time when I have to be strong for her. I know that one day I will be her caregiver and not the other way around. How can I give my mother, my sister what they deserve when I don’t know where I’m going. I know what I want but who knows how long it will take till I get there. That’s scary part of the adventure I guess.

I will follow my heart, but I have to think it through first. I will be smart about this. I will think things through and not jump head first into what I want. I can do both, I can make my family happy and follow my heart. I can please them and myself, I can do all things through Christ.

I will do both, I will become a woman who can take care of her family and one who can please herself. I don’t think that’s greedy to want both, I just hope I can have them both. I want them both but I also don’t want to end up with a bleeding heart.

 

Girl Gone Wild ? March 1, 2010

Filed under: family,friends,life — christaholley @ 8:59 am
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Okay, the weirdest thing happen this weekend. It was odd akward and the funniest thing that happen to me in a long time.

Okay so I’m sitting on the couch with my best friend Jason watching some movie or another, wait, I was watching Sex and the City, the part where Miranda realizes she does love Steve and goes to meet him at the bridge and comes to wonder if perhaps Steve doesn’t want her. It’s a really crucial moment. So, I’m sitting there my feet in his lap the music started playing and his phone went off just as it started getting good.

I decided not to pay attention, it was his phone if it was important he would tell me. Then I hear this.

Jason: “Dad what are you talking about? What!?!” Now I have him giving me odd looks while on the phone with his Dad.

Me: “What?” I’m whispering (Putting the television on pause.)

Jason: “yeah, she’s here.” well, my nosy bf couldn’t stand for me to have a conversation without him in on it. So he puts the phone on speaker.

Me: “Hello”

Daddy: “Chrissy!? I was sitting here and watching a movie. What are you doing on this movie?” Me and my BF look at each other.

Me: “Movie?”

Daddy: “Yea, your mother would be so disappointed in you!” Now he really confused me.

Me: “Daddy,” (I call my bf’s Dad daddy the way I call his mother Momma.)

“As far as I know, I’m not in any movie.”

Daddy: “well of course you wouldn’t know, you look drunk!”

Me: Stunned looking at my BF. “I’m sorry did you just say I was drunk.”

Jason: “Yep.”

Me: “Daddy what movie is this?”

Daddy: “Chrissy, what are you doing on girls gone wild!”

Me and my BF look at each other, both of us confused. I’d never been on girls gone wild, as far as I know Lauren hasn’t either.

Me: “Daddy I think the more important question is what are you doing watching girls gone wild?”

The silence on the other end was beyond priceless. It was wonderful and getting better by the second as his son falls out laughing. I mean falling on the floor rolling around breaking his side.

Me: (grin splitting my face.) “Daddy, what are you doing watching GGW? Does momma know about this?”

My answer was a silence before the sound of a disconnection.

It was hilarious, I laugh myself sick at least three time more past it being funny. Sex in the City just seem to dull in comparison so we called back Jason’s Dad to mess with him some more. I plan on asking Lauren about it later. . .

 

sounds February 20, 2010

Filed under: family,life,Random Box — christaholley @ 8:23 am
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If I never hear the word construction again in my life that would be grand thing. I’m tired of the drilling, the Bams! the Clack! the Vrooms! the things that I just don’t know what are. I’m tired of the fumes of the paint and glue, I could build a tool box with all the saw dust in my lungs. I’m tired of things over flowing.

Every time we think it’s fixed, nope. It’s a pipe of something that isn’t or screwed on right, I think if you don’t know what you are doing you should leave it alone. Your still gonna get paid regardless I think I would rather pay you for coming out and say there is nothing you can do than pay you and I’m worse off than I was before. The last one is a thanks but no thanks.

It seems every time I come home something new is dripping or another room is flooding and has to be redone. I just don’t know what is going on with these people, do they think that we are going to call them back or something? Honey, I have news for you. If I call you out and ask you to fix something and two weeks later my kitchen den and wash room are flooded. . .yea. . . .just no. I’d rather have an inside swimming pool for a while.

This is the second time our downstairs has flooded, oh my god. I’m overwhelmed and frustrated and tired and I don’t even live here twenty four seven. I can’t imagine how it is for my family while Lauren and I are gone.

At least there is music at night. I get to listen to the ‘drip drip drippidy drip’ of our pipes as the water leaks into a pot. If I’m lucky I won’t hear the sounds of a kitchen waterfall at midnight.

 

Marriage February 18, 2010

Filed under: family,life — christaholley @ 12:29 pm

Duh dum dum bam!

To each her own. She has found her own and he ask for her hand in marriage. Do I approve, not really but as far as I know no one has ask for my opinion on anything. SO I smiled and said, yes, I will be your bridesmaid. I told her congratulations but I feel it won’t last. I know, it’s the wrong thing to think. You’re suppose to be all “live love and stuff” but I can’t not when he treats her so crappy. I can’t lie, I’m a horrible liar. Still I’ll smile and pretend to go along with it. Love is blind and there is nothing any of us can do until she she’s the light and how ugly he is when it shines through.

Beauty is truly in the eye of the beholder, I have no problem with outer physical features. We can’t help the way we look and I’ve never judge anyone for it. But when the ugliness within starts to bleed out for the world to see. . . yes I have a problem with that. I have a BIG problem with that especially if it is coming into my family.

I can’t live her life anymore than I can make decisions for her. For now I will smile and pray this doesn’t end the way it has before.

Until then I will go to fittings for a dress and submit to it, I will smile pretty and wear the bridesmaid dress and smile and do whatever else bridesmaids do. I won’t like it. I know i’m not going to like it one bit but I will do it and only make a few comments. . .

 

Think February 15, 2010

Filed under: family,life,Uncategorized,writing — christaholley @ 9:46 am
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I love my family truly but sometimes. . . I just don’t know. Why should I feel guilty or why should they want to make me feel guilty for the things I’ve done, for the things I want to do. I shouldn’t have to hide the fact that I love to write. I shouldn’t be ashamed of the fact I’d rather have my nose in a book. I’m not ashamed of what I do and what I love to do I just wish I could get support behind me. The only person that doest that is my sister, she likes to write but I think I’m submerged a bit more into what I like to do then she is. Lauren has always been more outgoing. That’s a story for later though.
Today, while I was sitting bored out of my mind in Chemistry I was looking up publishing companies. I had to force myself to stop and pay attention but even then my mind was reeling. It’s an ongoing cycle. You can’t get you foot in the door without an agent, you can’t get an agent with out published work. You cant get your work published with out an agent unless you’re self publishing,  but they tell you not to do it. You can do it on their website but you have to have this and this and this. Impossible.
I sat in my chair rocking away but still disgusted at the circles they had weave so tightly around us all. It might be easier to become an actor. I don’t want to be I’m just saying. think about it, you have commercials, modeling, etc, other things like that.   Writing it’s either you have your foot in the door or you’re looking at it wistfully. I thought of all this before I then thought.
“people are so concern with selling novels they need to be concerned with writing them.” I feel this is true. I think about people reading my work, dream about it really. I need to focus on my words and make sure my reader has something they want to devour and reread again and again. I don’t want them to buy something with my name on it only to regret it or read empty words. Where is the point in that? Time is something you can never get back, use it wisely. There is nothing worse than a book that disappoints.