Christaholley's Blog

If You Only Knew

Forever Playlist June 3, 2010

Filed under: friends,life,Random Box,things that stress,writing — christaholley @ 3:18 am
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Summer is in full swing for me. Busy, busy, busy me. I’m so tired, what happen to it’s all about relaxing on your break. Between trying to find a job, editing, and fighting off the flu. It’s been a full work load, oh, and school for me starts Monday. Summer School!!! yeay me! 

Anyway, I came across major writer’s block two days ago. Jason, my best friend, told me music would help. He even gave me a playlist. I will never tell him this, but it did. Music save me. When I was done I decided it would be fun to make aplaylist for all the characters of my book. A small playlist showing what the characters of Autumn’s forever would listen to if they all had I Pods.


  1. Selena Gomez- Naturally
  2. Raven Simone- Superstition
  3. Miley Cyrus- See You Again.
  4. The Jonas Brother- S.O.S
  5. Aly& A.J- Chemical Reaction
  6. 6. Mandy Moore- Stupid Cupid
  7. 7. The Cheetah Girls- A La Nanita Nana
  8. 8. Paramore- Crushcrushcrush
  9. 9. Frankie J.- Daddy’s Little Girl
  10. 10. Amos Lee- Sweet Pea



  1.  Evanescence- Call Me When Your Sober
  2.  Coldplay- viva la vida
  3.  Daughtry- Life After You
  4.  The Fray- How to Save a Life.
  5.  Flowboat- No Handle Bars
  6.  Atreyu – Her Portrait In Black
  7.  Honor Society- Where Are they Now.
  8.  My Chemical Romance- To The End
  9. Cinderella- Nobody’s Fool
  10. Rhianna- Te Amo


  1. Edwina Hayes- Feels Like Home
  2. Marina Mena- Sorry
  3. Snow Patrol- Set Fire to the Third Bar.
  4. Amanda Perez- I Pray (Never Forget)
  5. Evanescence- Haunted
  6. Ingrid Michealson- Be Ok
  7. Cyndi Thomson- I always liked that best.
  8. Justin Nozuka- After Tonight
  9. Utada Hikaru- Hear Me Cry
  10. Maria Mena- You’re the Only One.



  1. Green Day- Time of Your Life
  2. Jason Mraz-I’m Yours
  3. Rihanna- Russian Roulette
  4. Mario- Let me Love You
  5. Nickleback- Savin Me
  6. Seether- I’m Broken
  7. James Blunt- Carry You Home
  8. Edwina Hayes- Feel Like Home
  9. Green Day- Time of your Life
  10. Rufus Wright- Halleluiah



  1. Gavin DeGraw- I’m in love with a girl
  2. Bobby Valentino- Anonymous
  3. Eliot Yamin- Wait For You
  4. Katy Perry- Thinking of You
  5. Lovegame- Lady Gaga
  6. Plain White T’s- Hey there Delilah
  7. Buckcherry- Sorry
  8. Chris Brown- Forever
  9. Joe Purdy- Wash Away
  10.  Pink- Who Knew




  1. Amanda Blank- Make it Take It
  2. Blaque- As If
  3. Kesha- Tik Tok
  4. Nickleback- Rockstar
  5. Sleepy Rebels- Unbelievable
  6. Kelly Clarkson-Miss Independent
  7. Will I Am- I Got it from my Mama
  8.  Duffy- Rain on Your Parade
  9. Jessie James- Blue Jeans
  10. JoJo- Beautiful Girls Reply



  1. Brad Praisly- Don’t Laugh at Me
  2. Bon Jovi- We Weren’t Born to Follow
  3. Owl City- Fireflies
  4.  Nickleback- If Everyone Cared
  5. Regina Specktor- Laughing with
  6. Paramore- Misery’s Business
  7. OneRepublic- Stop
  8. James Blunt- Your Beautiful
  9. Gary Go- Wonderful
  10. Shinedown- All I Ever Wanted



  1. Miley Cyrus- The Climb
  2. Aly& Aj- Sticks and Stones
  3. Hilary Duff- Come Clean
  4. The Cheetah Girls- Cinderella
  5. Gary Go- Wonderful
  6. Justin Beiber- One Time
  7. Mandy Moore- I can break your heart any day of the week .
  8. Yael Naim- New Soul
  9. Vanessa Carlton- A Thousand Miles
  10. Paramore- Brick by Boring Brick

The Apple Tree May 12, 2010

Filed under: family,life,Random Box,things that stress,Uncategorized — christaholley @ 2:11 am
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Last night, I slept awful. It’s finals week and I’m all in a tizzy studying for this and making a side not of this. I’m so nervous I could heave all over my scantron.

I’m tired and stressed and I got this idea to completely redo my story, nothing major just some names dates and some of the story line. eck! I know it’s crazy.

the highlight of my week was when we got my mom an apple tree. My dog, Sam took into her head that she likes apple trees, if my mom didn’t want it, she would take it.

“I said I want a peach tree.” My mom pouted about it looking at our gift.

“But they didn’t have any, didn’t you want an apricot one?” my sister asked her.

“No, apple is good.” she looked at the tree again, we all did.

Sam, my dog, decided that was the perfect time to come over. “Tree, tree!!” she bounded around it and sniffed. “my tree!”

she sat in front of it letting us know. “mine.”

she marched around and sniffed it. “Mine!” she bounced at us. “I will protect little tree.!” she looked at us. “you can go now!” she wouldn’t let us near the tree and still hasn‘t. we have to lock the crazy dog inside before we can water it and you can hear her howling inside when we go near it.

Now my funny puppy sits facing the tree, she’ll watch it and make sure no birds or squirrels get near it. When they do you would swear it is like they are trying to take one of her puppies, she goes crazy. So now the birds and squirrels have learned not to climb on the apple tree until she is asleep. =)


The Rant April 29, 2010

Filed under: life,Random Box,things that stress,Uncategorized — christaholley @ 12:04 pm
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My life has been so busy, I feel so wiped out physically and emotionally. I’m drained but I push one =)

It seems as soon as I finish one test there is another right around the corner. I’m so sick of test and quizzes I could. . . I don’t now what I could do. Something very mean and rude. But I finally caught a break and I decided to catch up. Right now I’m sitting on the couch watching the Tudors (I’m very pissed off with the history by the way.), it is getting good though. Very messy.=) and it’s all in history.

 I don’t understand the people back then. I don’t understand the times I guess. How can you say that God gave you the right to rule? How can you say that you were divinely chosen? How can you make all the mistakes of a human yet decide who lives and who dies? how can the people accept that. True the land could fall into chaos but is really better to let a man put a face on your country and shame it. True as it is most in the time of Henry VIII were ignorant of what went on, they could have just gotten news the second queen had been put to death while he was truly to his fourth wife. How can he claim to be divinely chosen and try to put forth this image of perfection and power for his people and other countries to fear him but yet he is so horribly human. Even if it is behind closed doors, shouldn’t he care the people he hurt. The women, I mean how can you be so blind to causing pain when you can see it. In other words, how can you be so heartless. I know I’m ranting on in an incoherent mess but I can’t help it.

Every time I watch the show I’m fascinated at how power can corrupt something that was once upon a time for the greater good. (I thought it was for the greater good). The need for power and wealth, the need for everyone to know that you are the one in control, how much more human can you be. How could these people believe that a man who showed vanity as much as or even more so than the average man was meant to rule them? It makes no sense though I suppose it is no different for us in our time. There is still greed and corruption. There is still vanity and everything that says that we are human only now most of know that it isn’t by divine right that these people are in power it is be because they are chosen by the people (not always the citizens) or and a few other reasons but also it is because they have everything they need to stay right where they want to be. No one is going to challenge a system because they won’t last very long. No one is going to challenge it because they know that they are very much out resourced.

I always wondered if God is weeping as he watches us now. Does he weep at seeing his children live the way we do, does he cry because we are so blind, so vain, so. . . I don’t even have a name to put with everything going on today. Does he cry because he knows just how horrible we are, I guess. Humans can be wicked, we can be vile and devious, we can manipulate and betray. Those are all things that make us human, we are far from perfect and that is one thing that I believe will never change.

I know I just went on a ranting spree, but I’m not sorry. I’m just tired and I really needed to let something out. *sigh

good night.


The Bet April 14, 2010

Filed under: friends,life,Random Box,things that stress — christaholley @ 4:33 am
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Pure and fun silliness.

Okay, I’ll admit, I slacked on my studies yesterday but the end result was so worth it. My friend Jason has any gaming system you can think of. PSP, XBox 360, Wii, the guy has them all and just about any game you think of from guitar hero to grand theft auto, his collection his amazing.

Yesterday, I dipped my toes into the virtual world of video games, it is not something I do that often but yesterday there were stakes I couldn’t pass up.

I found myself playing his PS3 and it was amazingly awesome. Halo, not the third one cause I suck at it but the first one. I still shoot my own people and it was painful to watch but oh so fun. I think it’s because I can be a violent person when provoked. =)

Then Jason came home from class and saw what I was doing and then it went something like this:

“Sweetheart what are you doing.” he ask

Not looking at him. “Playing a game.”

“Uh huh,” he sat down next to me. “You’re killing you’re own men.”

I shrugged. “So.”

“Do you want help?”


He gave me an odd look but didn’t say anything else until I restarted the game for the second time, then he shut it off. “That was to painful.”

“You’re an ass.”

“The player on the game think you’re an ass too.”

Tilting my head I thought about that. He was probably right, I killed them all several times over. I was probably worse than an ass to them. So I shrugged it off. “I could do better if I wanted to.”

“No you couldn’t.”

“Yes I could.” I stated into the den.

Jason blinked then smiled. “Wanna make a bet on that.”


“Okay, first person to kill off the other team wins.”

“Wait!” before we began I ask what the terms of winning and losing were.

“let’s just say the loser is at the winners mercy.” his smile was predatory, I mean it when I say it was a little frightening. But then I heard my dumb self say.

“You are so on.” what was I thinking.

He starts it off and I didn’t even see him coming. He was amazing, from years of practice of course. He’s had at least three years of practice and I’ve had three weeks, you can guess how that goes.

He killed one of my men in the first. . .two minutes. He was precise in shooting what he wanted and I was shooting at everything in sight and running for cover while I was doing it. Then, I did this by accident by the way, I shot out at something in my line of vision, my controller vibrated with the force of it. The man went down and the den sat in silence, I stopped shooting because I was stunned I’d hit a player from his team and not mine and he had stopped shooting altogether.

“Why did you stop.” I asked him curiously. “You could have killed me.”

“I don’t have anymore players.” he growled out with all the indignation in the world. I could have cared less, after two years I’m use to it and can match it when I want to.

Staring at him dumbly I asked hesitantly. “SO. . . I won?” his silence was all the answer I needed.

“OH YEAH!, BOYAH!” I got up and started happy dancing around the room while he watched with a glare that could kill. I couldn’t’ blame him, he had lost to a rookie, very embarrassing. *smile*

“You cheated.” he said finally coming to his feet making me stop my circle of the room

Putting my hands on my hips I retorted. “Oh, yeah, shooting at everything that comes in sight is really cheating.” He said nothing, what could he say when he knew I was right? By some dumb stroke of luck I won. “So doest this mean you’re at my mercy now?” I ask like a foolish dumby.

Jason tilted his head to the side and gave m the most wry smile. “I suppose it does.”

He got up and I found myself face to chest with him. Looking up at his face I felt need pulling me to run but I stayed put. I would show no fear, I would not-

“So what are you going to do to me?”

Rolling my eyes was a hard task when the rest of me felt so weak. “I don’t know, I need to think about it.” With sweaty hands I pushed him back and headed into the kitchen. I headed in to the kitchen to get a big scoop of ice cream and to ponder upon my torture.

Jason is off limits, he’s my best friend in the world. He’s cute and funny and gets me. He understands that I’m silly and sarcastic. That I have my moods and will not hesitate to bit your head off if you deserve it. I get him to, but he’s . . .complicated. He’s my best friend in the world and I won’t change that for anything. It would kill me to screw something up between us, those relationships are never easy. And frankly, I don’t need that stuff in my life right now. SO a friend he will stay. . . a very cute friend who I now have grounds to torture. *evil smile*

He doesn’t know it yet but he really should have put better guidelines of what the winner could and couldn’t do. He’ll figure it out soon enough, but it will be to late to do anything about it.


the day April 10, 2010

Filed under: life,Random Box,things that stress,Uncategorized — christaholley @ 11:13 am

I don’t know what is with me lately. I’m tired and really moody, no I’m not PMSing. I would admit to it if I was. It isn’t that, I’ve just been really sad lately. Somehow it feels like I’ve been pushed backwards into the days of adolescents were you feels awkward and it seems like no one can keep your name out their mouth. My head has been everywhere but where it needs to be and I’m always so tired. . .

I don’t know, I’ve adopted the attitude of if I ignore it, it’ll go away. No one is talking about me. Yes people do look but who cares, they don’t know me.  

I didn’t have a nap today and I swear that in Chemistry I was on the verge of throwing a tantrum. How am I suppose to concentrate on solutions and oxidation if I can’t keep my eyes open? But my professor is so funny and he always lets us go early. He doesn’t like to be in class any longer than he has to. . . I think that’s because he’s older than black pepper. But it’s Friday and I go home on Fridays. =)

I was so happy to get home. Home to my family and friends, it’s sad to think once I get into clinical I’ll have even less than I do now. Huh. I gotta do what I have to do though. I’m just counting down the days. Until then I am going to go to bed because I am tired and found out that I have therapy in the morning. What a life, what is the use of coming home on a Saturday if you don’t get to sleep in? I guess tomorrow I’ll find out.

Good night everyone


I’m Back April 5, 2010

Filed under: life,things that stress,writing — christaholley @ 9:06 pm
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I’m sorry and twice sorry. Even if no one reads this blog I feel bad for not writing in so long. I haven’t had the time or the computer to do it on. My computer is in the shop and I’m working with a loaner and as for my time. . . it’s been wrapped up in so many things it is insane.

I was accepted into clinical nursing school a couple of weeks ago and I’ve been running and scampering around to meet my deadline to get things mailed in and stuff. There was so much I needed to do. I had to get a background check, I was clear and clean. Then I had to go to the doctor and get all these shots. I swear the stuck me eight time! I hate shots. Then there was the drug screening, I was cleared for that too. Ain’t no drugs in me! LOL. There were other things that I need to do but nothing major that I can’t do later. Running around like I was with my little two week dead line made me fall behind on my school work. Now I’m scampering to read up on what I missed in class. I’m tired and exhausted and my face is trying to break out in pimples as it normally does when I’m under a lot of stress.  But it’s all going to be worth it, summer isn’t that far away if I can just keep going and keep my grades right then I’ll be set.

I’m going to try and do better about my blogging too, I’m not doing a good job on writing everyday but I promise I ‘ll get better


Click of a button March 13, 2010

Filed under: life,Random Box,things that stress — christaholley @ 10:59 am
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Picture this, you’re fifteen, going on sixteen and you meet this guy and when he smiles at you, your insides do a little fluttery flop. You like him and he likes you too. What do you do? You take a chance, your first real chance with a guy that gives you butterflies in your tummy. He is fun and great, he makes you laugh and smile, he gets you.

Things get serious, and you’re really falling for him but there is a catch. Your family doesn’t really like him, he’s too. . . they don’t know what it is but they have mixed feelings. you keep it in mind but continue on with him anyway, things are great things are wonderful then, there comes a day when he stops calling. You wait and you wait, day after day, nothing.

Finally you text him, no answer.

You call, no response.

what do you do then? At sixteen you cry your eyes out, and shrug it off, it’s his loss. But inside you wonder; what did I do? Did I do anything? What is wrong with me?

After all the things you from your family because of him he can’t even call and tell you it isn’t working out? At that age you’re thinking fine forget him, and you never do.

So, when he call you several years down the road, like an idiot you let him back in. There are still the butterflies and he is still as cute and charming and everything you remember. Senses become clouded, everything you’ve learned goes out the window when he says your name.

“Just one more chance,” your heart whispers and you listen to it.

Things are great they are wonderful, so, why a few months down the road does he stop calling again. Doesn’t he love you? You love him. How can he be so heartless.

It becomes a fight not to let bitterness overtake you, not all men are the same you have to tell yourself time and time again. You have to pick up the pieces and move on, eventually you do.

Then, here he comes again, a year down the road. Seeing his face is like a punch in the stomach, a kick where it hearts the most, your heart. He tries tom come back into your life. What do you do?

Do you click the accept button or delete?